X-Ray Eyes

Ghastly eyes, boring deep into the glazed face of what there once was. Unrelenting pain that cuts deeper, harder, faster into skin, taking what it wants and leaving everything else to chance. Chance that we might make it through this, that there might be some hope, that we might come out stronger, happier, better friends, lovers, sons, daughters, mothers, and fathers. And then finally, the will to move forward into the light of future. We can numb the pain, taking it all away with one sweep of our exhausted hands, one fast, impulsive tap of the mouse, erasing everything, making light of the situations we've placed ourselves in over and over again just for the chance to learn once more. Falling time and time again just to be caught by those arms of ones care about our existence in their lives. The ones who try even though they have no experience in what pain you're dealing with, the ones have no hope for themselves and give what they can to you, the ones who don't ever give up on you even if it's shot to hell and they know it, the ones who keep trying and don't ever give up on you. The girl who sat in bathtubs and let tears flow down her face because she had pleaded with death to take her is gone. The girl who answered the question, 'If you did one thing before you died and it had to be a selfish thing, what would be?' with 'Welcome it.' is fucking history. She will not gasp for air, sucking it in between clenched teeth because she's horrified of what will happen and her tendency to slip back, begging and pleading to be held by you, when and all you can do is explain again why you don't want her. Thing is, if you ever came back, saying you wanted another shot, be it seven years down the road, she would welcome you back into her, consuming every bit of you, forgetting everything, and starting new. Giving everything, all hope, and care, and love into one person is a death trap. One that comes, again and again, beckoning to you with a manicured hand, nails as sharp as knives and glimmering with perfection. Snarling to you as you walk by on the street, promising happiness and the chance to start again, with all it's colors and pretty faces. Lift up the faces and you find the crippling truth. Nowhere to run, nowhere to fall, nowhere to take off, higher and higher. Just one more lesson partially learned again.