Cold

my hands tremble, the warm water washing over my body. the water hits the walls sounding too loud. my heart flutters under the skin covering my throat, all the muscles and veins throbbing in synchronization. my senses are too clear, i feel my whole body moving with my pulse, look down and see it pulsing too fast. my vision blurs, bile rises in my throat. there is blood dripping from where my fingernails used to be. i kneel, letting the water hit my back, and my hands rest on my thighs. the blood runs in streams from each finger, diluting as it travels down the slope of my bare thighs. there are blisters forming on my palms, starting as clusters of tiny sacs filled with clear fluid. as i bite at them, they turn into raised bumps resembling mosquito bites. my feet are clammy against the flesh of my lower back in spite of the scolding water hitting my back. i look at my body and don't feel any sort of attachment to it. i'm looking at myself from the ceiling corner. my spine is raised as i haunch over my bleeding hands. the emotion on my face is as blank and as white as the marble of the bathtub i am kneeling in, the only part of my body visible my eyes, hair, and red streams of blood. the water steams around my face illuminating the lifelessness that plasters over it.