Heads Roll Off

I asked Dawn Landes to sing me to sleep and all I could do while she sang to me was cry. I stuck my head out of the window while your hand rested on my leg and looked up at stars I've never seen before and my eyelashes froze so you kissed them and held my hands in yours and pulled me close. I looked up at you and your face was half of the moon and half of the sun with smeared lovliness all in the middle of the bridge of your nose like sunscreen. Your mouth tastes like too many mental problems and fruits that I've never been able to taste before so it's nice to know I'm not the only one with no soul and too many addictions to things that don't make sense, like sleeping and oranges and the way sunflowers look when I first wake up and they're there smiling at me like I know you would if you were next to me and able to sleep finally becuase I want to too. And my eyes hurt and change and I keep rubbing them because they won't stay open and tear when closed so I can't be comfortable in my own skin (and the veins itch and squirm beneath my skin), maybe the fireworks behind my eyes would stop if I stopped drinking eight glasses of coffee and sitting for hours in coffee shops while reading and having a constant caffeine high. I sleep with one arm wrapped around my waist and one diagonally reaching through my boobs and lightly touching my pulse to make sure I'm alive while sleeping because one of my worst phobias is dying while sleeping please just hold me so I can sleep through a whole night and not wake up because of a dream that should make me throw up. I want to rest, darling love, I'll call you every name that would make you more willing to lay with me if they could be the words you wanted to hear and I know they can't because I'm too weak to make you hear them that way. My fingers are frozen under my mittens; my toes frostbitten under the millionlayers of socks protecting them, all I want is them to be warm.

My legs don't like cold weather, they tell me by covering themselves in jeans and leg warmers. I put the man next door to shame when I stayed up all night staring at words that blended into one and chopped my hair off in one quick movement of shears I stole from the backyard aloe plant that stabbed me before forfeiting their bloody right. I paced and did you know yoga is the best at two in the morning becuase you almost fall asleep in childs pose if not for your knees screaming and your head pounding. Pounding and yacking are the best because they come in pairs, even though they're not supposed to.

Dresses fluttered in the wind while I sat the one day on my shins and held my migraine head and three up all over pavement.

It's soo cold everywhere but inside of me where I know it must be warm because health taught me so but my fingers are telling me otherwise. The only time i'm warm is when the contents of bottles labeled V and R and burning as the go down. I sleep all night when V and R are around.