The Burns Anxiety Inventory

At any one time, I feel: anxiety, nervousness, worry, fear, that things around me are strange or foggy,that I am detached from all or part of my body, sudden unexpected panic spells, apprehension or a sense of impending doom (especially while driving), tense, stress, "uptight" or on edge.

Most of the time I have: difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts, frightening fantasies or daydreams, feelings that I'm on the verge of losing control, cracking up or going crazy, fears of passing out or fainting, of illness, heart attacks, dying, or that something terrible will happen.

Without doing anything I make myself feel: skipping, racing or pounding of the heart, pain, pressure or tightness in the chest, tingling or numbness in the toes or fingers, butterflies or discomfort in the stomach, restlessness or jumpiness, tight, tense muscles, sweating not brought on by heat, a lump in my throat, dizzy, lightheaded or off balance, headaches, hot flashes or cold chills, tired, weak, easily exhausted.

2 Prozac, 1 Ativan, and a Klonopin later, I feel like I've destroyed my brain. I feel as if my thoughts are choppy and don't run together, like I'm going to drive myself insane and one morning wake up with the cats, squirrels, and birds out to get me. Things that aren't even logical seem real and like they could happen at any moment in time, and I scare myself so easily into thinking ridiculous things.

When I was little I would wake up screaming because my dreams were so real and frightening that I couldn't sleep. This disorder, anxiety, it's like a dream. I don't feel attached to the world, even though I know it's here. I can speak in complete, coherent sentences, and I know I'm sane, but my brain feels so foggy and dead, it's like someone put an opaque cover over everything I experience in life. I've thought about so many things: exercising, meditation, medication, leaving my comfort zone so I don't become an agoraphobic. I just need to do things that aren't normal. To be away from my mind.