Off the Record

sleep whispers to me, speaking softly into one ear while Samuel Beam sings into the other. warmth radiates throughout my body, filling me from my navel out and my vision blurs. my fingers fill with euphoria at three in the morning while my levels of dopamine, norepinephrine, and seratonin find their balances in my body and there's always going to be some memory of it so why can't i find the girl i was two months ago? he spoke and his words painted themselves on my palm like he was reading the wrinkles left by some other time, some other memory. scars on my hips, eyes wide, love plastered on everything. emotions swirled around me in circles meant for someone with better tolerance and knowledge of how the world spins.

blue fingertips, bleeding hands, the way his face looks while he's relaxed. her hips were all bone and ground teeth as she looked through the mirror at me and there's nothing i want more than to sleep a night without a dream. blissful darkness is the only thing i don't have. my day doesn't end, it just picks up in incoherent ramblings in my dreams.